You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
