i don't like sucking hair
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
