So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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