my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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