Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
