the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
