I'm going to jail i love you
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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