Im at strip club and am horny
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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