No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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