his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I could fuck to npr.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
