Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
