I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
