the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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