Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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