Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
