I'm so fucking centered right now
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
