Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
