that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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