You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
