I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
