Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm both gender and math confused
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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