I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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