just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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