when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
