I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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