Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
