Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you had me at cake vodka
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
