If that was your dad, he is hot
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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