She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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