I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
