My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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