There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
