I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
