i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
