So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just want to make out with him forever
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
