So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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