I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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