tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
