She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
