I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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