Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
