You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it glows. i had to have it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
