what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
