I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
