She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
