I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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