You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
