I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
