My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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