Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
