Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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