Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
