We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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