did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
