everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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