Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
