I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
