five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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