I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i already hear my dad disowning me
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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