You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
