thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
