If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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