is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
