I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
