i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
