i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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