Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
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