I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
