Already got asked if we're dating
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
