i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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